


serein

by todorvkis



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Abandonment, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bad Writing, Complicated Relationships, Crying, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Fate & Destiny, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jealousy, Lots of it, M/M, Pain, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), Rain, References to Depression, Reincarnation, Soulmates, Suicide, This Is Sad, Trust Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love, and so am i, both the markjin ANd markson are onesided, got7 is supportive, jinyoung is sad, jjp is main ship, kind of, not really - Freeform, sorry - Freeform, the universe is shitty, very sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24870046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/todorvkis/pseuds/todorvkis
Summary: "i'm sorry i can't battle fate."
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung, Mark Tuan/Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung/Mark Tuan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> so this is actually a fic i wrote a LONG time ago on Wattpad (@todorvkis !!) but i wanted to publish it here because i write here now pretty much exclusively and this fic holds a very big place in my heart <3 hope you enjoy

''it's raining again'', jinyoung groans into what he had thought was the empty space of his room.

''it's always raining, jinyoung-ah'', he hears a familiar voice he recognizes to be mark's. he also hears a slight amusement in the tone in which mark speaks, and he feels himself involuntarily rolling his eyes (it's become a natural reflex) before turning around to face mark.

''good morning, hyung''.

jinyoung puts on the best smile he can to seem the least bit interested in what mark wants to say, even though they both know, he really couldn't give a flying fuck.

''good morning'', mark answers back, he's smiling back at jinyoung, but the amusement is no longer there. jinyoung takes notice of this.

mark's tone is soft and quiet, but loud and harsh enough to hit jinyoung like a hammer.

''we- you- jinyoung-ah, this needs to stop'', he hears mark mutter, and he doesn't need to ask what. he already knows what mark means.

mark sighs when jinyoung dismisses his words with a huff, turning back to the window, chewing nervously on his lower lip, a habit he had seemed to pick up from _him_. it was one of the rare things _he_ had left jinyoung.

''jinyoung i'm serious'', mark speaks again, his voice is still soft and comforting, but jinyoung really, _really_ doesn't care.

''i never said you weren't, hyung''.

''then please, please for the love of god stop this, we're worried about you'', whining in a defeated, pleading tone, mark feels his eyes slowly water.

''i'm fine. and don't you start crying on me, i don't need any more rain than there already is'', jinyoung scoffs.

he feels lost when mark wraps his arms around him, but he doesn't say anything. the silence is nice, jinyoung just wishes there wasn't that annoying sound outside.

 _drip, drop, drip, drop_ , is the only thing jinyoung hears as he's enveloped in mark's warmth. he wishes it wasn't. even the boys' annoying pleas are less frustrating than that horrid sound.

''we're going out for lunch. are you coming with?'', mark whispers after a few seconds, and jinyoung moves from him a bit, looking at him, confused.

''in this rain?'', he looks at mark like his answer is obvious, and he shouldn't even ask.

well, he probably shouldn't have, knowing jinyoung would say no, but okay.

''yeah. there isn't really an unrainy day here, jinyoung-ah. and umbrellas do exist...'', mark trailed off, knowing jinyoung, again, really didn't care for his explanation.

''yeah, yeah. have fun, i'm not going'', jinyoung sighed, rubbing his left eye slightly. he still felt pretty sleepy, and the goddamn rain outside really wasn't helping.

mark gives up, walking out with an exhausted sigh to see four boys staring at him, pity in their eyes.

''i would've stopped trying a long time ago'', jackson speaks, earning a glare from mark, but no reply. ''jackson-hyung has a point'', a small voice speaks, mark identifying it immediatly as youngjae's, but still, he doesn't answer anything. he just doesn't feel the need to.

''ah, he isn't listening, let him be'', jackson scoffs, shaking his head, ''let's go''. he pulls youngjae and mark with him, bambam and yugyeom following the three, smiling softly. they'll get through it.

back in _his_ room, jinyoung layed on the bed, staring through the window on his right, a very cliche move if you ask him, but he didn't care. he watched his friends laugh as they exited the building, and he couldn't help but still feel rather fond.

he may not show it, but he's thankful for them. so, so thankful, he doesn't know how he'd live to this day without them.

what he isn't thankful for, is most definetly the rain outside. he can't stress this enough.

park jinyoung hates the rain.

except, in this world, rain never stops.

it's sunny outside, yet it rains. cloudy, it rains. through the small snowflakes, rain drops pass and make that awful sound. _drip, drop._

they all know why jinyoung hates the rain. no one dares to mention it to him.

_''i'm like the rain. i fall over and over, for you, jinyoung-ah''._

the words flash in his mind and he suddenly wants to die. ''leave my mind'', he groans into the air, rolling away from the window. he doesn't feel like staring at the object of his hate much longer.

park jinyoung isn't sad, per say. he isn't unhappy, either. park jinyoung just has a lot of regrets, some bigger than others.

he groans once more, the almost empty room echoing just slightly. jinyoung didn't want to bring anything his to the room, anything except what had already been there when _he_ packed up and left for good. it would ruin the emptiness jinyoung felt inside him.

jinyoung hates the rain for a lot of reasons, because it never stops. but mainly, park jinyoung hates the rain because it really, really brings back memories. memories of _him_.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jinyoung's thoughts invade his mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: panic attacks

jinyoung felt rather lost in the emptiness of their apartment. he had finally exited _his_ room and was suprised to not hear jackson screaming and the other three's cutely annoying laughter. he sighs when he remembers they went out.

 _in this goddamn rain, what idiots_ , he mutters in his head, scoffing. he's still sleepy, having taken a pretty long nap in the room, so he's wondering why they hadn't returned yet.

 _eh, more peace for me,_ he thinks, walking over to the fridge to discover that it indeed was, empty, like he had thought. _of course, why would they go out otherwise, lazy fuckers_.

he smiles softly, memories of how they used to all laugh and just be dumb together flash across his mind. he sees the.. _seven_ , of them, all hitting each other and dissing each other and it would always end with someone having a very sentimental speech about how much the rest mean to him- usually that someone being _him_ , and jinyoung would almost always feel tears welling, almost always as _he'd_ look at jinyoung, only at jinyoung while _he_ spoke.

jinyoung wants to stop thinking. he just wants to run away from everything, he wants to leave this goddamn place forever. okay, so maybe it might be just a little bit selfish and jinyoung might feel just a little bit guilty at the thought of leaving the annoying five boys that he wouldn't have survived without behind.

he reminds himself that it's hard for them too.

hearing random echos, jinyoung feels his head spinning slightly, and he remembers it's been weeks since the last time he left _his_ room. ''i'm pathetic'', he sighs, rubbing the brigde of his nose, his lips wet after his tounge went over them, his teeth chewing still on his lower lip. he hates the habit. it leaves his lips dry and hurting, but he mainly hates it because it reminds him of _him_.

jinyoung suddenly feels his mind being invaded by the memory of _his_ lips.

in that moment, his breathing feels as if it's been cut off. _shit, not now, no, no, jinyoung, calm down, fuck-_

he hyperventilates his way to the floor, leaning on the sofa and breathing heavily, or, at least, trying to. _why now_ , he thinks, _it's been so long from the last one_. jinyoung sees little black spots, it feels like the world is inverting itself on him, and there it is.

_drip,_

_drop,_

_drip,_

_drop._

with that dumb sound, he also remembers _his_ voice, and the world just feels darker. his breathing is restricted, and tears are streaming down his cheeks, not that he even notices them, choking on nothing and his entire body twitching slightly. he feels so lost and the small, barely enough breaths he draws in are shaky, unstable, just like him.

jinyoung tries to calm down. he really does. he tries his best to count to ten, he tries his best to open his eyes and breathe evenly, but-

_''jinyoung-ah, come on, you can do it. i'm here, i'm here for you, jinyoung. calm down, you can make it through, i'm here for you. you're okay''._

he hears a distant noise but it's overshadowed by _his_ voice in his mind, and he starts to remember all the times _he_ would hold him when things like these happened. _he_ said _he'd_ never leave. jinyoung remembers that _he_ liked to lie a lot, not really intentionally, it just seemed to come naturally. he chuckles, a pitying smile on his face when he hears a voice call out to him. it's probably one of the boys, but he doesn't notice who, he doesn't even _try_ to notice who.

because, all park jinyoung hears is the sound of rain. the sound of rain, and the sound of _him_.


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> markson are worried, and jinyoung is sad

jinyoung wakes up in a hospital.

the first thing that echoes in his mind is that it had meant he went out- in the _rain_.

his mind shuddered at the thought, his eyes still closed. his ears focus on a few voices that, to jinyoung, seemed pretty near. from his dazed state, he concludes it'd been yugyeom- yugyeom and mark. he can't quite recognize the words the voices form, rather, he focuses on the sound outside.

the rain.

it's intense today.

 _that's strange_ , jinyoung thinks. there's a nervous feeling fluttering in his stomach, and he opens his eyes hastily and breathes in. he's blinded by the bright light that's coming from the window, the sun shining weirdly strong. there were no clouds, yet the rain was as intense as the sunlight.

 _too bright_ , he mutters to himself, slowly sitting up, finding something was keeping him from bending his arm. _ugh, needles_ , he thinks when he looks down, a shiver going through his body. he was never really scared of needles, he just really didn't like them either. who did, anyway?

it's a rather unwanted change of atmosphere when jackson walks in, eyes widening and he suddenly storms over to jinyoung.

''are you okay? what happened? did you hurt yourself? i mean, the doctor said you were okay, but- you- i- when we came home you were almost blacked out- i- we shouldn't have-'', jinyoung looks at jackson, who spoke hastily through his panic.

''it's okay. i'm okay, jackson'', jinyoung says, looking at his friend, a comforting smile on his face, even though he'd rather not be going through this. he feels a slight pang of guilt jabbing away at his chest for making jackson and the others worried. 

jackson sighs, the door closing behind them when mark and the other three boys enter the room. jinyoung smiles softly, he hasn't seen anyone but mark in about three days. it's nice, for a change, even so, he still can't help but feel his hands sweat at the intense dripping sound outside.

how much rain did he touch?

he looks out, mark sighing as soon as he realizes what jinyoung is looking at.

''we had no choice. you weren't okay'', mark reasons, his voice soft. jinyoung nods absent-mindedly, and jackson shares a knowing look with mark. he can hear youngjae and the two youngest whisper, not that he pays enough attention to find out what, though. 

''why is there so much of it?'', he comments, not specifically talking to anyone, but everyone hears him. bambam stutters to say something before yugyeom stops him, shaking his head slightly. they both look at jinyoung, whose eyes look like he's a lost child in a neverending hall.

mark turns back to them, softly shooing them out of the room, and they comply, knowing mark's always been the closest to jinyoung, after _him_ , that is.

''jinyoung-ah'', mark calls out softly to him, sitting on the bed. it'd felt weird to see jinyoung in any other surrounding that weren't the dull, gray walls of _his_ room. 

jinyoung leans back into mark's arms, enjoying the warmth, for the second time in a short time. every now and then, he'd love how safe he felt in mark's arms, and he'd just let himself feel protected. it took his mind off of _him_ , for a moment at least.

''will you tell me what happened?'', mark whispers, looking down on jinyoung, whose eyes were closed, his breathing deep. it pained mark to see him so.. miserable. it pained all of them to see jinyoung like that. 

jinyoung sighs, opening his eyes but they seemed to be avoiding mark's figure, for some reason. mark panics when jinyoung takes a sharp breath. ''i-'', he tries to speak, choking out the syllable barely. mark shushes him quickly.

''no, if you can't, please don't. don't force yourself, jinyoung-ah, please'', mark whispers. ''it's okay, you're okay'', he says in a calming tone, and as much as it _does_ comfort jinyoung...

_''jinyoung-ah, you're okay. i'm here for you. i'll never leave, i'm with you, you're going to be okay''._

jinyoung feels his eyes watering. he shuts them instantly, preventing any tears from getting out. it'd been a while since he cried, and he certainly wasn't going to cry now. he takes in another sharp, deep breath. the air in the disguistingly white hospital room wasn't cold, but the air pierces through his lungs for some reason he couldn't name.

''i'm okay. yeah, i am'', he assures, more himself really, rather than mark, but mark still nods along. he looks mark in the eyes and can't escape the disguisting sight of pity. he doesn't want mark to pity him. he doesn't want anyone to pity him.

mark sees jinyoung's eyebrows narrowing for a bit before he sits up again, but hesitates on saying anything. jinyoung is looking down to his hands, his thumbs running along his other fingers, the anxiety bringing the need to do pretty much anything, and he can't resist the tickle of it in his chest.

''hyung- could you, uh, leave for a while?'', jinyoung says, and it's almost unaudible, but mark nods and stands up. he stops when he's by the door, something also very cliche if you ask jinyoung. ''i'll be there when you need me'', mark says, and just like that, the room is empty.

the words linger in jinyoung's mind, trying to decipher the meaning behind them. _i'll be there when you need me, what had he meant by that_ , jinyoung thinks, his brain going places but in the background the same sound plays all over again and it's even stronger in the empty room, the (now) warm air softly giving jinyoung a feeling that's strangely similar to suffocating, except he's not.

he groans, he needs the air from _his_ room back. he needs the gray walls back. he needs his home back.

dare he say it, but park jinyoung needs _him_.


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jinyoung reminisces.

jinyoung runs off back to _his_ room as soon as they're home, and he hears jackson sighing and he just knows he's, for some reason, slinging an arm over mark's shoulder and giving him a smile full of pity. jinyoung doesn't know why.

he's laying on the bed when mark enters the room, face stuffed in the dirty pillow. mark knows he's trying to find any scent, any sign of _him_ there. any sign of home. mark leaves him to be, exiting the room with quiet steps. maybe jinyoung had heard him. if he did, he probably just didn't care. 

the rain is quieter today, jinyoung thinks. it's still not quiet enough for him, it's never quiet enough for him. he abruptly stands up, walking to the window and looking down on the small space of the alley between their and a neighbouring building.

_''let's hide and watch people walk by, and we have to make up a story about whoever passes by!''_

_''a story?''_

_''yeah, like, about their lives!''_

he feels a soft smile tugging on his lips, but his vision is blurry. he sits down on the cold floor, staring at the small piece of the gray wall beneath the window, his feet against each other. he doesn't feel cold, but... empty. he feels as empty as the room he's sitting in.

jinyoung lets his thoughts wander to a bunch of what if's and if only's and he feels pressure in his left hand, only to look down and see his knuckles white from how hard he'd clenched his fist. he takes a deep breath, and any other, any - normal - person would've been absolutely disguisted by how the room smelled, how the window hadn't been opened ever since then and how everything was dusty, dull and old.

to jinyoung it felt like home. like _him_.

he wonders what would a stranger think of his life if he'd seen him pass by. if someone else had played _his_ game and jinyoung just happened to be the lucky stranger who had his, probably false story, told. 

he wonders if it'd been when he was with mark, or with jackson, or yugyeom or bambam or youngjae or maybe all of them- maybe he had been with _him_ even. jinyoung chuckles at the thought.

''jinyoung? i- wow it smells in here'', jinyoung hears a voice enter the room, along the presence of jackson, and jinyoung stands up to greet him.

''it's fine in here, what do you mean?'', he asks, narrowed eyes and he doesn't know if jackson is making a rather cruel joke, but judging by his face, he really wasn't.

''i mean that it smells like this whole place hasn't even heard of the concept fresh air, let alone seen it- and it's so dusty, how do you live here, _alone at that_?'', the words roll off his tounge before he can do anything to stop them, his eyes widening when he realizes what he had said, but jinyoung didn't seem bothered.

he didn't _seem_ bothered, but jackson _knew_ he was. if there was something jackson was better than mark, when it came to jinyoung at least, it was telling when jinyoung was upset, or, even slightly bothered, at that. 

''jinyoung i-''.

''it's okay'', jinyoung shrugs it off, shaking his head softly, a quiet sigh escaping him, his lower lip between his teeth once again. jackson takes notice of it, as well. he chooses not to say anything, _it's better that way_ , he thinks. jackson turns on his heel and exits the room, leaving jinyoung without a second word.

 _that's odd_ , jinyoung mutters under his breath. he doesn't give it a second thought though, falling into the darkness of sleep, his head echoing.

_drip, drop._

_''jinyoung-ah?''_

_drip._

_''yeah?''_

_drop._

_''i love you''_

_drip, drop._

jinyoung wants to go back. back to _him_.


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> about fucking time.

the first time jinyoung sees _him_ again is when he's looking out on the street, through his window. mark is next to him and jinyoung is leaning on his shoulder, exhausted. of what? he doesn't know what to tell you. he's just lucky mark is there and he can chase away the loneliness inside of him. not completely, but okay.

the rain isn't as strong today, it's just barely there, but jinyoung still doesn't pass up on the chance to complain. mark just sighs and smiles, a hint of sadness he doesn't want to show still visible, but shh, no one needs to know. 

mark's presence is warm and jinyoung is thouroughly thankful for that, because he thinks he might've caught a cold, again, doesn't know how. ''are you okay?'', mark whispers, almost unaudible - he knows jinyoung can hear him, though, from the way the other tenses up.

''ye-yeah, i just might've..'', he trails off, he doesn't want them to worry. specially mark - mark always worries though, so no matter what jinyoung does, it really doesn't matter, does it?

''might've what?'', mark's voice is still soft, just slightly tense. when jinyoung says he thinks he's sick, mark's eyes widen, and he pulls away, slowly, as if to not scare jinyoung, to look at him. jinyoung looks back and he regrets saying anything and he's incredibly mad at mark's observing powers when he sees the worried look in his eyes. 

mark looks like a lost puppy and jinyoung hates himself for making him worry. ''get back here, i'm fine'', he whines and pulls on mark's arm, bringing him back to lean on him once again to which the other hesitantely complies. ''you're touchy today'', mark offhandedly comments, and jinyoung hums, still clinging onto mark.

they're still looking out the window, peaceful silence around them when suddenly jinyoung lifts his head from mark's shoulder and lets go off his arm, making mark eye him suspiciously. ''jinyoung?'', he calls out, he's sure jinyoung had heard him, for fuck's sake, they're right next to each other, but he doesn't respond. 

it's once he looks in the same direction as jinyoung is looking at, that it's all clear to him, why jinyoung so abruptly let go of him, why jinyoung suddenly forgot he existed. mark thinks it's always like that and jinyoung will always forget about him, but that's the second thought on his mind, somewhere right after _what the fuck is he doing here_.

jinyoung's inconsisent, loud breathing snap mark out of his thoughs, and he sees jinyoung still staring at the figure outside their building. he's opening and closing his mouth rapidly, obviously trying to calm himself, his hands fiddling with air, with themselves, the hem of his shirt, anything, really. 

_it's been a goddamn long time_ , jinyoung thinks, somewhere in between of _what the fuck_ , and _is it really him?_ , and _holy shit it is_ , and maybe a little bit of _he's still damn beautiful, specially in that goddamn rain_.

jinyoung sees black-white spots illuminating his vision, and he can't help but stare openly at _him_. through lidded eyes, he sees the figure stare back, _his_ eyes wide as well, as if _he_ hadn't expected to see jinyoung. 

mark is panicking when jinyoung falls flat against the window, and his heart doesn't have the time to break when he hears jinyoung uttering a single word before he passes out.

_''jaebum..''_


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i have to note, this is really nOt the most cohesive universe ever, and i COULD fix it up but there's something in the jankiness of it that i kinda keep close to heart<3 hopefully you can bare with it, it's a few small inconsistencies and such, but i hope it's nothing that can break your enjoyment!

when jinyoung wakes up, the dripping sound of a rainstorm outside is unbearable, but that's not what renders him shocked.

it's the figure looking outside, it's how his shoulders are so fucking wide, his pitch black hair so fucking beautiful, it's how he stands that has jinyoung falling all over again, it's how jinyoung can feel that he's still him.

the figure staring outside is still his jaebum, no matter what.

jinyoung feels his throat closing up, silently both cursing and thanking mark for letting jaebum in, let alone leaving jinyoung in their room with him.

jinyoung makes no noise, or effort to move, just staring at jaebum's back, hoping they'd stay like that. hoping jaebum wouldn't turn around and leave without sparing him a second glance.

still, a rustle that was caused by jinyoung's air forcing its way out of his lungs startled jaebum, and he turned around, eyes wide.

"jinyoung", he whispered, his eyes betraying awe and love. jinyoung took notice of the emotions in both jaebum's eyes and voice, and it left him even more confused as to why his hyung just left him.

jinyoung doesn't find the will in himself to speak. he just stares at jaebum, he stares at what he can see, because soon enough, his vision is clouded and he's choking on his own tears.

jaebum panicks and runs towards him. "don't cry, jinyoungie, please, no", he's stumbling over his words, so much that he doesn't seem to notice picking jinyoung up and setting his head into his lap, softly wiping jinyoung's tears, shushing him, his voice soft, and unlike with mark, jinyoung actually found comfort in it.

"h-hyung", jinyoung choked out, his head buried into jaebum's stomach, arms wrapped tightly around jaebum's waist. it wasn't the most comfortable position, but neither were going to complain. jaebum, doing everything to calm jinyoung down, and jinyoung so afraid jaebum was going to leave that he held onto him for dear life.

"shh, jinyoung-ah, you're okay", he whispers again, and jinyoung can't help but feel there's something missing to his words.

_"_ _you're_ _okay_ _,_ _i'm_ _here_ _,_ _i'm_ _here_ _with_ _you_ _,_ _i'm_ _not_ _leaving_ _"_

"j-jaebum-hyung, you- you're here, i- it's really you, you're here", jinyoung is rambling, choking on his tears and spit every few syllables.

jaebum feels his heart shatter at the broken way jinyoung says his name, he wishes he'd never left, but no, he had to leave, he needs to leave again. soon. just, just not right now. right now, he needs this, he needs his jinyoung back.

"jinyoungie, i'm here", jaebum finally whispers, not resisting anymore. jinyoung sobs harder, but there's a soft smile on his face, and jaebum feels the grip on his waist softly fading. jinyoung weakly sits up, taking jaebum's face in between his hands, thinking how perfectly jaebum's face fits, cupped in jinyoung's caring, soft hands.

jinyoung caresses jaebum's soft cheeks, and he can't help but feel his heart swell up. jaebum is just so beautiful, jinyoung could admire him forever.

jinyoung's happy eyes betray some angst just for a moment, and jaebum can see him sighing, removing his hands from jaebum's cheeks.

"jaebum-hyung", jinyoung sighs out, looking over at the rainstorm. the clouds are dark, terrifying really, and jinyoung feels a shiver run up his spine.

"why did you l-leave, jaebum-hyung?", jinyoung's voice breaks painfully. now it's jaebum's tirn to sigh, he knew this would come up. he knew that this would be the question jinyoung would ask first, as soon as he woke up.

"i- i can't tell you", he chokes out.

jinyoung's eyes widen painfully, something breaking inside of jaebum at the sight. jinyoung looked so beautiful, even at the verge of tears, shock in his eyes. jaebum was sure he had thought of many bad reasons why he couldn't be with jinyoung. jaebum was also sure the real one never really crossed his mind.

"is- is it me? did i do s-something wrong?", jinyoung chokes out, voice breaking, the high-pitched cracks sounding like a pained melody.

jaebum is quick to envelop jinyoung in his shaking arms. "baby, no, no, please, don't think that. i- i didn't want to leave, i-".

"then why did you?!", his head is buried deep in jaebum's neck, and jaebum feels wetness on the place where his shoulders meet his neck. jinyoung was crying, again.

as they stay close, the rain is stronger.

jinyoung absolutely hates it.

"jinyoung, hey, baby, look at me. i promise you, if i had the choice to stay, i would. i would stay with you in death and life and in everything before and everything after".

jinyoung sobs harder, cupping jaebum's cheeks once more and bringing them closer for a pained, slow and gentle kiss. jaebum's lips are soft, like he remembers them, and they're full of longing, of memories, and of them.

it's them. and for now, jinyoung is fine with having jaebum and no answers, rather than the answers, but no jaebum.


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mark is hurting

mark stares up at the ceiling, his head against the door to jaebum's room. he can hear jinyoung's sobbing and he can hear jaebum's whispers and he can hear how they calm jinyoung down.

he could never do that. he'd whisper the exact same things, but.. it just seemed useless. everything seemed useless except jaebum, and mark felt utterly played and broken, even though jinyoung did him no wrong, really.

"how do you not know?", he whispers to the air, his torso shaking softly with self-degrading laughter. he knows how pathetic he is. he also knows that either one of them could open the door and find him looking like an absolute wreck, but mark doesn't particularly care about any of that right now.

all he cares about is how his heart tears apart when jackson suddenly sits next to him, his eyes betraying a look of pity. mark wants to die, he hates how jackson thinks he's something to be pitied. "are you okay?", jackson whispers, making sure to be quiet enough, so that jaebum and jinyoung can't hear them.

"i don't- know", mark stutters out, hating how he sounds so broken, so vulnerable and sad.

jackson sighs. "i do. the answer is pretty damn obvious", he talks in english, so that even if heard, they couldn't exactly be understood.

mark doesn't say anything though. he just silently approves jackson's answer, both of them knowing he was right.

it's somehow peaceful. everything stands still for mark and he feels at peace, even though the pain is still coursing through his being, it's okay. he's going to be okay.

or, at least that's what he tries to tell himself, when he breaks down in tears and silent sobs and feels jackson pick him up - mark wonders too how he did it so easily - and the younger brings him back to their room.

it's going to be okay, jackson tells him that too. only this time, he's lying, and mark knows. they both know.

at the end, mark's wish has to come true, and, at the end, it probably will. but it'll hurt, hurt so much and mark isn't sure if he's ready for the pain. he'll take it, though. he always has.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> kudos and comments are gREATLY appreciated, scream at me on twt @todorvkiis !! <3


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